Unexpected Fraternity

Before mid may, I never expected to lose Cooper. Even though he had not made his appearance yet, Cooper was an important member of our family. When we would pass by the Buttons & Bows Preschool location that has the infant room, I would hear from Davis, "Mommy, there's Cooper's School!" The nursery room in our house was called Cooper's room. And being a fabulous big brother, when Davis would have two of a toy he would tell me one was his and the other was Cooper's. Every time I imagined the future, Cooper & Davis were always right there together. We even were making plans to go to Disney next April thinking that Cooper would not be walking yet so we would only be stuck running after his big brother. Sometimes I sit and think what the heck happened. How could this happen and why is it happening to me? These are questions that will never be answered. But I am trying to stay strong so Cooper will be proud of his mommy. An unexpected source of strength are the parents who have lost children letting us know that we are not the only ones and they are there for us anytime. People we barely know and some that I have never even met have emailed supportive emails and called. It's almost like a fraternity. You know that pain as a parent and even though it will bring back memories of your loss you are going to be a support to someone else. You can not erase your pain but you can help someone else with theirs. During Cooper's funeral, I looked up and saw my cousin's wife Tammy there. She was there for me and it helped me get through that horrible moment knowing that I was not the only mother there that had gone through that. I have never told her this but Tammy is one of my heroes and she was even before I lost Cooper. She and Andy had lost their precious son Drew when he was a baby due to the irresponsibility of a daycare provider. She felt that she needed to do something about it to help others so Tammy told her story to the News and Observer which ran a special about the importance of daycares needing to put babies to sleep on their backs not tummies to protect the child from SIDS. Soon after, NC passed the Safe Sleep law requiring daycares to place the baby on his/her back to sleep. I remember signing the Safe Sleep form at Davis's first daycare and tearing up because I was so proud. It's amazing that Tammy was able to initiate change after losing her son. I wish I could figure out how to the same.