Explaining to Davis

As hard as it is for me to understand what happened, it is even more difficult explaining it to Davis. Cooper was in Mommy's tummy and all of sudden he is not and everyone is upset. We told him that Cooper was born and too sick to stay here so he had to go to heaven. He understands as well as two and half year can. If you ask him where Cooper is, he will say "far away in heaven". The other day Davis randomly asked me if I could go far away to heaven to get Cooper and bring him back because he wanted to see him. Holding back the tears, I explained that once you get to heaven you can not come back. He recognizes Cooper in pictures and if you ask him if he has a brother he will respond "Yes Baby Cooper". I have a Pandora bracelet with a October birthstone and little boy for Davis and a May birthstone and little angel for Cooper. Whenever Davis notices it, he will point out which are for him and which are for Cooper. I don't want Davis to forget. Actually I don't want anyone to forget about Cooper. Last night when Davis was sitting in my lap I started crying because I was thinking how I will never get to do that with Cooper. Davis asked what was wrong and I told him I was sad. He asked "About Cooper?" I responded yes and he told me to go get a hug from his Daddy. So he definitely understands as much as he can at his age.

The biggest part of my pain right now is thinking about how Cooper and Davis will not get to grow up together and how Davis will not have the chance to do big brother duties. Even though I know its wrong, I find myself being most upset when I see young brothers together because I am jealous and sad.