I know all of you know Cooper is and will always be my second child. Blaine does not and will not replace him in any way possible. I have three boys not two. But yet some people don’t seem to get this.
There has been only one time since Cooper’s death I did not mention him after being asked about children. About a month after we lost Cooper, Matt and I were at a wedding in his hometown when someone asked us about children. At the time, I could not muster the strength to tell this stranger how we had two children but one had just gone to heaven less than a month earlier. So I only told her about Davis. I left the wedding in tears feeling so ashamed and angry at myself for not talking about my little boy. Cooper deserved better from his Mommy. Ever since then I have always mentioned Cooper. I even have pictures of Cooper right beside Davis’s pictures in my office at work. I get a lot of awkward responses from people and a lot of times people quickly change the subject but I really don’t care at this point. Even though I don’t have many Cooper stories to share, I am just as proud of Cooper as I am of Davis.
Now with Blaine on the way, I get a lot of “Oh you will have two now!” or “You will just have to try for a third child so you can a girl”. I do a lot of politely correcting people these days. “Nope this is my third”, “While I will only have two driving me crazy, this baby is actually my third” and “I think after three boys Matt and I are just not capable of making girls so I am sure a fourth would be another boy”. I am nice and polite to people even though they have said something stupid because they know about Cooper.
I realize back in the days of my grandparents and even during my parents days it was not uncommon to lose a child during birth or shortly afterwards. Things have changed and now that families are smaller (size-wise) and babies are being born earlier during a pregnancy and still surviving to be healthy children, losing a child is much less infrequent and more heartbreaking than ever. Still it seems to be something that is not talked about or that older people acknowledge as a real loss. I have overheard comments that “at least she did not lose the child when he was older”. While losing a child is absolutely horrible no matter the age of the child, I can promise you that if I had a choice of losing Cooper at 22 hours or 22 years, every time I would chose the latter because at least I could find comfort in memories of Cooper’s childhood. I would have pictures of him smiling, I would know what his eye color was and whether he looked like Matt or I. I would have had more non-replaceable time with Cooper-the only second child I will ever have.
