"A Person is A Person No Matter How Small"- Dr Seuss

I love this quote. I have probably used it before in previous posts. One of the things the hospital chaplains warned us about is that there will be some people who will not see our loss of Cooper as the same as someone else who has lost a child . That they think the loss of the newborn is easier somehow. I remember thinking at the time surely people don’t actually think that way but I now know that I was very naïve. A loss of a child is tragic no matter how old she or he is. While I know it is difficult to wake up go through your daily life not seeing a child that you are used to being there, just because I never had that does not make my grief any less painful. I have a birth and death certificate for my child. I had to bury my child just as others did. I had to learn how to grieve and how my husband was grieving and prevent that anger from destroying my marriage as losing a child often will do just as others do. Yes, I don’t go everyday places to be reminded of times I spent there with my child. (I am sure those moments are very tough for those parents I am not discounting those in anyway) But when that parent grieves for the loss of their child, he or she can find comfort in good memories. When you lose a newborn, there are very few-if any-good memories to find comfort with. Anyone who thinks differently should walk a day in my shoes. Try being told there’s nothing they can do, it’s both you and your child or just your child. Try having to make the decision of whether to put your child on life support in hoping for a impossible miracle or to accept reality and opt to make the best of the little time you will have. Even though you know deep down that you made the right decisions for your child, try living with those tough decisions. Try going back to the Operating Room for a moment that is supposed to be one of your happiest moments ever knowing it would soon be followed by your toughest moment ever. Try looking over at a doctor seeing tears in her eyes because she knows you are about to go through . Try holding your dying child that you just met not knowing will it be seconds, minutes or hours before he is no longer with you and doing your best to make it the best life possible be under the circumstances. Try doing that while your body is attempting to recover from being close to failure. Try watching your husband hold yall’s child and pointing out the window and explaining that’s Kenan Stadium and why the campus is important to your family while you know that since he was born too early your child could not see a thing. Try going to football games for the rest of your life for your alma mater and seeing the hospital where your son spent his 22 hours of life at -fighting through that emotion to enjoy the present moment and being grateful for what you do have. Try going through another pregnancy worried that a disease could come back and take another of your children or leave your oldest without a mother. Try explaining to a two and a half year old child that his brother passed away and watching over the next few years as he grows old enough to understand what he has lost and struggling to cope with something adults have difficultly with. Try going through ALL the “firsts” with your other children knowing that you will never have that moment with your child that passed away too soon. Try not knowing what color your child’s eyes were and not knowing who he would grow up to look like or what his personality would be like. As difficult as it can be sometimes, I cherish the moments I had with Cooper and I am grateful to have had him in my life for few moments. I am grateful because I know there are women that don’t even get to hold their child before he or she passes away. I am grateful that I am still here to be a mother to my other children. I am grateful for those while not having experienced my same loss can try to put themselves in my shoes and understand my loss as just as painful as any parent who has lost a child.