It’s been awhile since I have posted. Since I am back to my daily routine of working and keeping up with a three year old (that I swear must have a secret sash of Red Bull), I am left with little free time. I have gotten to a point where I realize things are not going to get any better. I don’t mean that in a depressed kind of way but that I have come to peace with things. I realize that losing Cooper is always going to hurt. I am always going to think about what he would look like, how he would act and miss him constantly. Most of the time, I can handle it and think about the 22 hours we had and how he is in heaven now keeping a eye on us. There are some moments when I break down but I never see a time when that does not happen. But that’s okay because everyone deserves to get tears because they are missed.
I have pictures of both my boys up in my office so I get asked about them at least once a day. I get such a wide range of responses when I tell them that Cooper is my son who is heaven. Most are usually "Oh I am so sorry". Some people immediately become awkward and change the subject without even acknowledging what I just told them because they can not handle it. Which I understand it is painful thinking about losing a child but if I am obviously ok with talking about Cooper (you see pictures and I can tell you how I lost him without crying) then surely you can find the strength to not immediately change the subject. Others try to be nice and say something but then will say something the only comment that I hate -"Well, you are young enough to try again." I smile and don’t respond to the comment because I know they are trying to be nice. But I would rather you not say anything at all if that’s all you can come up with because my Cooper is not replaceable. I could have 10 more kids and I would still think of Cooper and miss him every moment of my life. But that’s okay because he deserves to be missed.
